A post about Hannah

Today I went with Hannah to athletics. The first race was 800 meters, for the first 100 meters Hannah was in the front third, then she faded to mid pack, then to the back at which point she started walking then a bit of running then walking, then finally shuffling all by her self..a walk of total dispondency..and the look on her face of disappointment. I thought she was going to just walk off the track and cry, but the coach and another adult came along and encouraged her along to the end. I went and told her how pleased I was with her and that I thought she just 'got puffed' and had run herself out too early.

Then she did discus which wasn't much chop, then 8x40 meter in and out relays - there were about 10 teams and they must've done relays for about 25 minutes. Well Hannah basically gave up. She was the last team member her job was to run to the end, turn around and come back and handover. The team she was in were really fast and the girl running to Hannah was exceptional, sometimes Hannah would be first to receive the baton and 2nd to last coming back. She jogged along like she was in a pantomime or something, looking around and dawdling to the point of walking up to the girl who was frantically waiting to scream off. She basically checked out. Something was up. She kept taking sneaky glances at me. Afterward I didn't mention it even though I felt like kicking her arse (verbally). This took a lot of self control as I was really disappointed. We went and she got a sausage and licorice strap and was so shy that she had trouble in the queue and the lady serving sausages couldn't hear her. I wondered if she was having confidence problems afterwards. I can speculate on why she was not running properly in the relays but it would be psychobabble..

Later I had the usual trouble getting her to bed and instead of yelling and carrying on I was just calm and asked her why she was doing those things.
I guess I have had a bit of an epiphany, I cannot motivate Hannah in the right way by getting angry, and it just makes me feel bad (ala the tennis incident), so I need another way. Questioning without being accusatory seems to be a good way to get a dialogue going with her and gets things out sometimes.

So thinking back to the relay, perhaps the best way to deal with that would be something like "Hannah were you trying your hardest out there?" - i.e. the way Vanessa might talk to kids - vs "Hannah why the hell were you mucking around?" then extending the line of questioning as to why that might be. And pointing out that she was letting other kids down (but again without making her feel bad).

Anyway when I put her to bed instead of shouting and snapping (it was late) I just stayed calm and read a good potion of the book without hurrying. Then I came back in after a few minutes and told he how proud I was of her for doing so well in the early part of the race and she seemed to really like that (truth was I was quite surprised and stoked at how well she had been going).

Also I think I will take her for some runs. I don't think any real training for kids is appropriate esp not one like Hannah, so maybe some games like dad racing with a handicap, or chasing games. Really just need to work on speed first and foremost. Hopefully these early finishes I am now on will give me time to do this in the afternoons.

I think I have been a real grumpy b*stard to Hannah these last few months if not longer, I just get frustrated with her, but its not the way to deal with it, it just isn't. I need to treat her with respect and dignity. I need to put more responsibility on her - and give more rights to her, and I need to let natural consequences come about.