We have started the SCERTs programme. It seems a bit vague to me and seems the goals we all have (i.e. me and Michelle have some goals and James has some goals) are things we have already been trying. It's not very specific, still we will go with it as best we can.
But a couple of cool things have been happening. Firstly and most importantly James has been answering to his name. When I say his name at least half the time he turns to look at me. This appears to have happened in the last few weeks. It's hard to know when it started because I have always used his name and just kept at it.
Secondly he has started using the word I and I'm in the past two days, mostly in the form of babble. Today he was babbling in the morning e.g. 'I blah blah blah' and I'm going blah blah' and on the slide at the park said 'I slide'! A few days ago I gave him an ice cream and he said 'like' as we gave it to him.
I also think I heard that word joined to the I and so he said 'I like' today about something but couldn't be sure.
Michelle I think is still coming to terms with things, but this latest progress is sooo cool, after what seems like the regression of the last 6 or so months.
Similar to a few days ago which I posted about I made James cry today. He bit my leg and I went 'Owww' then 'No James thats not OK' but not even in and angry tone let along loud and he burst into sobbing. Again I almost cried and spent the next five minutes cuddling and putting his head against his and stroking his head and back.
But as I said to Michelle it indicates he seems sensitive to our disapproval and gets emotional about it, and that I feel is a good thing!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Thoughts inspired by a little girl
I had a bit of a epiphany yesterday. I was at the smimming pool and a little girl walked out she looked unhappy and her eyes were red so I was looking at her. As she walked past and looked at me, a great big smile lit up her face and she waved at me even though we were only a metre apart. I realised she was a downs child and her eyes were red from chlorine. She was as happy as could be. She might well be the happiest person at the pool!
My son loves going to his daycare. He can't talk to the kids but his teacher there makes sure they understand he is 'still learning to talk' and include him in their activities and also help him to do tasks - as mentors to him. E.g. taking his hand and leading him to the wash basin to wash his hands before lunch. His main teacher is an old Samoan lady and I think there is more wisdom in her than any specially trained person.
I have been thinking so much about my son's loss of 'future' as I perceived it was going to be. I never dreamed of big things, just that he would talk and have friends and get a job and have a partner one day and be fulfilled. Those are the things I would want for myself. But if all these things are not achieved but he achieves fulfilment and happiness then I would be pretty happy. So maybe that would be a job pushing trollies at the shopping market (he'd have to stop staring at the leaves blowing on the trees LOL). Hell really my prime motivation in work has been to not be bored. I could get a much higher paying job if I used all my skills, I can't be arsed I don't want the stress for some money I don't actually need.
I think I am also starting to get over the difference thing (when compared with other kids) when at the park. I think the slow realisation of that was the most painful thing. But now I know I think I am beginning to become OK with it. Yes he is different but thats not a bad thing now.
In short I think I am coming to an acceptance. But it still comes and goes. I do feel that I will be able to be a more effective parent for my boy by having an acceptance of him rather than panicking that he needs to be 'fixed'. And I think this is where Dr Andrew was coming from with his less than psotive thoughts about ABA. I have read on Wrong Planet from people who have had that sort of therapy that it was painful and made them feel bad about themselves (low self esteem) and stressed. What good is knowing how to spell cat if thats the price.
My son loves going to his daycare. He can't talk to the kids but his teacher there makes sure they understand he is 'still learning to talk' and include him in their activities and also help him to do tasks - as mentors to him. E.g. taking his hand and leading him to the wash basin to wash his hands before lunch. His main teacher is an old Samoan lady and I think there is more wisdom in her than any specially trained person.
I have been thinking so much about my son's loss of 'future' as I perceived it was going to be. I never dreamed of big things, just that he would talk and have friends and get a job and have a partner one day and be fulfilled. Those are the things I would want for myself. But if all these things are not achieved but he achieves fulfilment and happiness then I would be pretty happy. So maybe that would be a job pushing trollies at the shopping market (he'd have to stop staring at the leaves blowing on the trees LOL). Hell really my prime motivation in work has been to not be bored. I could get a much higher paying job if I used all my skills, I can't be arsed I don't want the stress for some money I don't actually need.
I think I am also starting to get over the difference thing (when compared with other kids) when at the park. I think the slow realisation of that was the most painful thing. But now I know I think I am beginning to become OK with it. Yes he is different but thats not a bad thing now.
In short I think I am coming to an acceptance. But it still comes and goes. I do feel that I will be able to be a more effective parent for my boy by having an acceptance of him rather than panicking that he needs to be 'fixed'. And I think this is where Dr Andrew was coming from with his less than psotive thoughts about ABA. I have read on Wrong Planet from people who have had that sort of therapy that it was painful and made them feel bad about themselves (low self esteem) and stressed. What good is knowing how to spell cat if thats the price.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
James cries and makes us!
Today I had to tell James off for tearing a page in Hannahs school library book.
I took him down to the kitchen where Michelle was and said 'No! We don't tear books James' or words to that effect. Well his smile slowly faded and face started dropping then a look of suffering and anguish came over him and he opened his mouth and then tears started trickling down his face. It is just so hard to watch he doesn't try and hide his feelings he just looks at you with his big eyes like a puppy and cries in silence. Both me and Michelle immediately had tears well up and start spilling down our faces, I went and started cuddling him and stroking his head and back and saying that it was OK. I felt soo bad, again.
In one way its really very very good he understands that it is not OK, on that level he obviously deeply understands us and is emotionally affected by it. But his expression of grief is so raw that it is terrible for us and I feel such a heel! And when I say I told him off it was just quietly there was no shouting or anything.
He really is a good little boy and I very rarely have to tell him off, maybe once a fortnight.
I took him down to the kitchen where Michelle was and said 'No! We don't tear books James' or words to that effect. Well his smile slowly faded and face started dropping then a look of suffering and anguish came over him and he opened his mouth and then tears started trickling down his face. It is just so hard to watch he doesn't try and hide his feelings he just looks at you with his big eyes like a puppy and cries in silence. Both me and Michelle immediately had tears well up and start spilling down our faces, I went and started cuddling him and stroking his head and back and saying that it was OK. I felt soo bad, again.
In one way its really very very good he understands that it is not OK, on that level he obviously deeply understands us and is emotionally affected by it. But his expression of grief is so raw that it is terrible for us and I feel such a heel! And when I say I told him off it was just quietly there was no shouting or anything.
He really is a good little boy and I very rarely have to tell him off, maybe once a fortnight.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Thoughts for the board
Instructions: Getting down face to face and telling clearly while looking in James eyes. Wait.
Question: Lean down and ask him to show you (an actual question is too hard). ‘James show daddy’. ‘You show me’. Put you hand in his very softly and let him lead you.
Pointing and naming development: Do pointing and naming. Also grab James finger and use it to point. This is where we need Hannahs help.
Other thoughts: Part of issue is we know what he wants so give it to him. How about cabbage for breakfast? Get him frustrated by giving him inappropriate things. This will force him to communicate...in some way.
Tomato sauce on toast. Raw Potatoes for breakfast.
Or for tea we give him Duplo blocks, while we eat something yummy. Then he will come to grab our tea grizzling. Then we can get him some tea.
At least that is a request. Trim milk in drink?
Dress him in a paper bag?!!
Question: Lean down and ask him to show you (an actual question is too hard). ‘James show daddy’. ‘You show me’. Put you hand in his very softly and let him lead you.
Pointing and naming development: Do pointing and naming. Also grab James finger and use it to point. This is where we need Hannahs help.
Other thoughts: Part of issue is we know what he wants so give it to him. How about cabbage for breakfast? Get him frustrated by giving him inappropriate things. This will force him to communicate...in some way.
Tomato sauce on toast. Raw Potatoes for breakfast.
Or for tea we give him Duplo blocks, while we eat something yummy. Then he will come to grab our tea grizzling. Then we can get him some tea.
At least that is a request. Trim milk in drink?
Dress him in a paper bag?!!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Fit and more
Well James had a febrile fit while I was home with him on Monday looking after him. I freaked and ran around with him sobbing "James, no, no, no" until I put him down and called 111 as per this post on another forum:
"Bloody hell, happened again this morning, only this time I actually saw my boy keel over unconscious with his eyes rolled back in his head and not breathing. Fuck its scary, I ran about with him in my arms like a rag doll basically gibbering and wailing until I got it together and called 111.
They sent a fire engine first as they were closest and an ambulance, even the firemen were a bit freaked I could tell to see this little guy lying there motionless and grey staring into the ether.
Anyway no harm done, and big props to our emergency services and hospital people they are frikkin awesome and very thorough!"
We spent the day in the hospital, they wanted to make sure it was nothing more serious.
In other events we got James' patient report from the CDT. What we expected but it's still hard to read the cold truth of his level of capability which is around 18 months.
We are still waiting on his Chromosome tests, both me and Michelle are very worried about the possibility of Fragile X. If he does have that there will be no hope of any level of decent intelligence which will be disappointing for two people who already feel like things are against us.
Prob be a few weeks before we find out.
What will be will be and I will always love and look after him whatever happens.
Tonight I made a big deal about the 'Baby' (James large doll) and brushed her teeth and read her a book, and put her to bed and kissed her and checked her nappies, all the things I do to James and he was highly amused! He was extremely tired, I put him down about 7:10 and he would have been asleep in 5 minutes.
"Bloody hell, happened again this morning, only this time I actually saw my boy keel over unconscious with his eyes rolled back in his head and not breathing. Fuck its scary, I ran about with him in my arms like a rag doll basically gibbering and wailing until I got it together and called 111.
They sent a fire engine first as they were closest and an ambulance, even the firemen were a bit freaked I could tell to see this little guy lying there motionless and grey staring into the ether.
Anyway no harm done, and big props to our emergency services and hospital people they are frikkin awesome and very thorough!"
We spent the day in the hospital, they wanted to make sure it was nothing more serious.
In other events we got James' patient report from the CDT. What we expected but it's still hard to read the cold truth of his level of capability which is around 18 months.
We are still waiting on his Chromosome tests, both me and Michelle are very worried about the possibility of Fragile X. If he does have that there will be no hope of any level of decent intelligence which will be disappointing for two people who already feel like things are against us.
Prob be a few weeks before we find out.
What will be will be and I will always love and look after him whatever happens.
Tonight I made a big deal about the 'Baby' (James large doll) and brushed her teeth and read her a book, and put her to bed and kissed her and checked her nappies, all the things I do to James and he was highly amused! He was extremely tired, I put him down about 7:10 and he would have been asleep in 5 minutes.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Girls coming home from the sounds tonight
Took James to the Porirua pool this morning. He has been a little less animated today, no doubt due to him for gawd only knows what reason staying up till 9:30 getting up to Hijinks in his room.
Later on I took him to the Khandallah Park and we went to the cafe where he scoffed most of a piece of Banana cake in record time. We then went on the swings - a lot. Then I took him for a loop walk, he was not keen, but we did it, he certainly quite likes running downhill holding my hand.
On the way out he wanted to go into Khandallah pool, it was a lovely warm summers afternoon with no wind, so I thought why not and paid the $1 entry fee plus $2 for a large swim nappy. Got him changed with quite a bit of protest then into the paddlers area, well he wasn't too enamoured of that either. He pretty soon wanted to go into the main pool, since I didn't have my togs I wouldn't let him and a right grizzly crying episode erupted. He kept running off and going 'Help help help' and it was really hard to pick him up, finally I decided I would go in my shorts and took him and went and got changed, well he howled the house down and there were a few sour faces in the changing sheds I noticed. So we get out and so I try to take him into the pool and now he decides he doesn't want too. I think he was a bit cold, and also I think hungry. By now people were looking at us wrecking the peace so I went and put my top on to go and his to warm him up (which he appreciated), managed to have him turn turtle on one of the picnic table seats and hurt himself, so then crying ensued. got our shit vaguely together and left. In the car park I noticed a guy who had been there with his bubba looking at is with a frown, I think he was wondering WTF, well I could be imagining it but I was stressed.
Home for some afternoon tea and some Thomas video. James is obessed with the beads and wire baby thing I got from the toy library and is getting frustrated with it. After an hour or so I got down and started playing with him, I made a monster out of that Connex stuff and was pretending to biting James' stuff and him too, and chomping bits of Connex, James was really looking at it like it was real and jumping back when I made lunges for him, which was cool.
Out on the tramp for some bouncy bounce, he loves to hold my hands and bounce around with his eyes closed and a look of rapture on his face, I notice that he does that a lot on the swings too.
Up to the school for a little go on the bike and he tried for sure, I'm just gonna keep taking him until he gets it through his own way, but I will put some pipe lagging on the top tube so he can sit on that more comfortably, its what he wants to do and if it makes it easier for him, so be it.
Now he's in the bath and fairly tired I think.
------------------------------------------------------
Thoughts for today:
Been feeling down about our situation, but at the pool I noticed two Downs kids, and also an Albino. At the park there was a little boy about two who didn't seem right he had trouble with his body movements, couldn't walk and was dribbling.
Those things made me feel better, which sounds odd, but what it did do was made me feel less alone. It's really hard looking at normal kids talking and pointing and all the usual things.
Second thought is that I have been concentrating on looking at tasks to do and getting on to them, and looking at my watch and saying right I'm gonna give myself five minutes to get the dishes sorted, and go hard out at it because time with James is important. So getting more efficient with my time instead of drifting and wasting time on the Internet. OK, on that note bloggage done and onto tea!
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Have put James to bed, very tired boy, fed him a decidedly average tea then bed, he was very pleased to be in it.
Well I wonder if James wants friends his own age to play with I know he likes being with me but it's not the same as someone your own age. I was at the park by Mums before tea and James went into the tunnel slide and a boy was coming up it. He may have been four or five but he spoke a foreign language (something European couldn't pick it). He kept coming up, babbling to James and clowning around falling over then sliding down a bit around the corner. James was loving it and giggling and making that excited noise in his throat and flapping his arms.
Then today there was an older boy about 8 or 9 up at the school riding a bike, James kept chasing him and looking at the tires. The boy would stop, then the bike would take off and James would chase and the boy would stop and look at James. James looked at his face and smiled a huge smile and giggled and jumped up and down in pleasure, the boy smiled back and looked at me.
I wonder if he misses Hannah a bit. Hannah is not esp a friend to him and he doesn't always react to her all that positively as she gets in his face and snatches things off him, but she is also fun and silly a lot of the time and doesn't help him and engage with him. Actually I miss her thinking about her.
One last thing I did a bit of a bathroom doorway puppet show with the connex monster for James and he quite liked that and was laughing and looking at it like it was real. But like a lot of things like that after a few minutes he will zone out and not notice.
-----------------------------------------------------
More thoughts:
Guess I handled the situation at the pool pretty well. I didn't buckle in to his want to get into the pool, that's because I couldn't! I had my undies on under my shorts (bad form getting undies and pants wet!
another thing was the soft gentle music playing from the pool reception are, James went still and smiled while that was playing. Gotta remember that, he generally all music, but can seem ambivalent to a lot.
Been thinking a lot about me and Michelle and where James might have come from. I do recall in my first class at school in our top filed prefab that I had trouble focusing on the class work. I used to 'day-dream' is what it was called. I would sometimes snap out of it hearing the class laughing and realising the teacher had made a joke of me to the other students. I do recall her following this up one time saying 'Maybe we should have a record player underneath Matthews seat saying 'Wake up Matthew, wake up Matthew'. I felt quite embarrassed and hurt by that. These episodes happened so often that I didn't learn to form my characters correctly. I never really watched when they showed how they were formed so later I had to form my own letters. To this day I write many of them upside down and people will stare at me writing stuff. I did feel like I was stupid as people were doing things around me I couldn't, but I guess perhaps thats because they were paying attention and I wasn't. I used to look out the window a lot at the sky (sometimes there were vapour trails) I recall.
Before long the school rang and told my parents they feared I was retarded. Of course my Mum said what utter rubbish, but it was agreed I would have to do tests. so I got tested for IQ. I do recall a few things from it, that there was a picture of a train and which way smoke was coming out of its funnel, and a picture of a comb with missing teeth. Apparently I passed with flying colours and that was that. the only other thing I really failed to get was long division. So I used to do short division and just do stuff in my head to hide the fact I was a bit dumb and didn't know how to do long division.
My wife has trouble processing speech. She will often repeat what I have said to her back to me word for word before answering. She also has terrible difficulty with listening to someone on the phone when other people are trying to talk to her (me, Hannah). She told me she had her (perfect) hearing tested multiple times as a kid as they thought she had hearing difficulties. Other things about Michelle are that she is obviously clever and she is quite social, but I have noticed sometimes she doesn't she doesn't see some body language or moods or misinterprets something. Not at all often but it's there.
I have also done this, and when I was young felt like girls in particular I could not understand. It took years to work out that whole side of it and so I was just very shy and avoided some situations, perhaps because I didn't understand them. who knows.
Later on I took him to the Khandallah Park and we went to the cafe where he scoffed most of a piece of Banana cake in record time. We then went on the swings - a lot. Then I took him for a loop walk, he was not keen, but we did it, he certainly quite likes running downhill holding my hand.
On the way out he wanted to go into Khandallah pool, it was a lovely warm summers afternoon with no wind, so I thought why not and paid the $1 entry fee plus $2 for a large swim nappy. Got him changed with quite a bit of protest then into the paddlers area, well he wasn't too enamoured of that either. He pretty soon wanted to go into the main pool, since I didn't have my togs I wouldn't let him and a right grizzly crying episode erupted. He kept running off and going 'Help help help' and it was really hard to pick him up, finally I decided I would go in my shorts and took him and went and got changed, well he howled the house down and there were a few sour faces in the changing sheds I noticed. So we get out and so I try to take him into the pool and now he decides he doesn't want too. I think he was a bit cold, and also I think hungry. By now people were looking at us wrecking the peace so I went and put my top on to go and his to warm him up (which he appreciated), managed to have him turn turtle on one of the picnic table seats and hurt himself, so then crying ensued. got our shit vaguely together and left. In the car park I noticed a guy who had been there with his bubba looking at is with a frown, I think he was wondering WTF, well I could be imagining it but I was stressed.
Home for some afternoon tea and some Thomas video. James is obessed with the beads and wire baby thing I got from the toy library and is getting frustrated with it. After an hour or so I got down and started playing with him, I made a monster out of that Connex stuff and was pretending to biting James' stuff and him too, and chomping bits of Connex, James was really looking at it like it was real and jumping back when I made lunges for him, which was cool.
Out on the tramp for some bouncy bounce, he loves to hold my hands and bounce around with his eyes closed and a look of rapture on his face, I notice that he does that a lot on the swings too.
Up to the school for a little go on the bike and he tried for sure, I'm just gonna keep taking him until he gets it through his own way, but I will put some pipe lagging on the top tube so he can sit on that more comfortably, its what he wants to do and if it makes it easier for him, so be it.
Now he's in the bath and fairly tired I think.
------------------------------------------------------
Thoughts for today:
Been feeling down about our situation, but at the pool I noticed two Downs kids, and also an Albino. At the park there was a little boy about two who didn't seem right he had trouble with his body movements, couldn't walk and was dribbling.
Those things made me feel better, which sounds odd, but what it did do was made me feel less alone. It's really hard looking at normal kids talking and pointing and all the usual things.
Second thought is that I have been concentrating on looking at tasks to do and getting on to them, and looking at my watch and saying right I'm gonna give myself five minutes to get the dishes sorted, and go hard out at it because time with James is important. So getting more efficient with my time instead of drifting and wasting time on the Internet. OK, on that note bloggage done and onto tea!
-----------------------------------------------------
Have put James to bed, very tired boy, fed him a decidedly average tea then bed, he was very pleased to be in it.
Well I wonder if James wants friends his own age to play with I know he likes being with me but it's not the same as someone your own age. I was at the park by Mums before tea and James went into the tunnel slide and a boy was coming up it. He may have been four or five but he spoke a foreign language (something European couldn't pick it). He kept coming up, babbling to James and clowning around falling over then sliding down a bit around the corner. James was loving it and giggling and making that excited noise in his throat and flapping his arms.
Then today there was an older boy about 8 or 9 up at the school riding a bike, James kept chasing him and looking at the tires. The boy would stop, then the bike would take off and James would chase and the boy would stop and look at James. James looked at his face and smiled a huge smile and giggled and jumped up and down in pleasure, the boy smiled back and looked at me.
I wonder if he misses Hannah a bit. Hannah is not esp a friend to him and he doesn't always react to her all that positively as she gets in his face and snatches things off him, but she is also fun and silly a lot of the time and doesn't help him and engage with him. Actually I miss her thinking about her.
One last thing I did a bit of a bathroom doorway puppet show with the connex monster for James and he quite liked that and was laughing and looking at it like it was real. But like a lot of things like that after a few minutes he will zone out and not notice.
-----------------------------------------------------
More thoughts:
Guess I handled the situation at the pool pretty well. I didn't buckle in to his want to get into the pool, that's because I couldn't! I had my undies on under my shorts (bad form getting undies and pants wet!
another thing was the soft gentle music playing from the pool reception are, James went still and smiled while that was playing. Gotta remember that, he generally all music, but can seem ambivalent to a lot.
Been thinking a lot about me and Michelle and where James might have come from. I do recall in my first class at school in our top filed prefab that I had trouble focusing on the class work. I used to 'day-dream' is what it was called. I would sometimes snap out of it hearing the class laughing and realising the teacher had made a joke of me to the other students. I do recall her following this up one time saying 'Maybe we should have a record player underneath Matthews seat saying 'Wake up Matthew, wake up Matthew'. I felt quite embarrassed and hurt by that. These episodes happened so often that I didn't learn to form my characters correctly. I never really watched when they showed how they were formed so later I had to form my own letters. To this day I write many of them upside down and people will stare at me writing stuff. I did feel like I was stupid as people were doing things around me I couldn't, but I guess perhaps thats because they were paying attention and I wasn't. I used to look out the window a lot at the sky (sometimes there were vapour trails) I recall.
Before long the school rang and told my parents they feared I was retarded. Of course my Mum said what utter rubbish, but it was agreed I would have to do tests. so I got tested for IQ. I do recall a few things from it, that there was a picture of a train and which way smoke was coming out of its funnel, and a picture of a comb with missing teeth. Apparently I passed with flying colours and that was that. the only other thing I really failed to get was long division. So I used to do short division and just do stuff in my head to hide the fact I was a bit dumb and didn't know how to do long division.
My wife has trouble processing speech. She will often repeat what I have said to her back to me word for word before answering. She also has terrible difficulty with listening to someone on the phone when other people are trying to talk to her (me, Hannah). She told me she had her (perfect) hearing tested multiple times as a kid as they thought she had hearing difficulties. Other things about Michelle are that she is obviously clever and she is quite social, but I have noticed sometimes she doesn't she doesn't see some body language or moods or misinterprets something. Not at all often but it's there.
I have also done this, and when I was young felt like girls in particular I could not understand. It took years to work out that whole side of it and so I was just very shy and avoided some situations, perhaps because I didn't understand them. who knows.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Just Dad and James
Just us two here as Michelle and Hannah are down the sounds. Last night I wrote down some goals for today, for some ideas on what to do so the day doesn't drift, and also just as reinforcement for me!
- To be responsive to his language, get down and be instructive, pointing and touching, do some drawings, swimming/bike.
So far today some of the things we have done include that we got up and I made James choose his toast topping. I put the Jam and PB and 'Mimite' in front of him. Took a bit but he grinned and was patting his hand on Jam. Don't know if that was a selection but good enough for me, and thats what he got. Have just been for a big cake/plant shop/dam loop, his walking and running have been getting really good, and I always love to see him use all his powers to clamber up the rock run.
I have been pointing out objects and naming them, and pointing to different geometric shapes. E.g something round is 'circle shape' (don't want him to get confused between what the object is and what its shape is).
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Oh and the best thing, which I just remembered is the reason I went to make this post is that he now looks at me when I say his name!!!!!!!!
- To be responsive to his language, get down and be instructive, pointing and touching, do some drawings, swimming/bike.
So far today some of the things we have done include that we got up and I made James choose his toast topping. I put the Jam and PB and 'Mimite' in front of him. Took a bit but he grinned and was patting his hand on Jam. Don't know if that was a selection but good enough for me, and thats what he got. Have just been for a big cake/plant shop/dam loop, his walking and running have been getting really good, and I always love to see him use all his powers to clamber up the rock run.
I have been pointing out objects and naming them, and pointing to different geometric shapes. E.g something round is 'circle shape' (don't want him to get confused between what the object is and what its shape is).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh and the best thing, which I just remembered is the reason I went to make this post is that he now looks at me when I say his name!!!!!!!!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Video day
Special Ed came around to take Video of James playing. We got him to play with jig saw puzzles and blocks. He is a bit bored with puzzles so only did one, he likes to spend as much time just feeling the pieces.
The plan is that they will review it then write up the SCERTS assessment. Then hopefully in April we will have a conference with them and little school and perhaps Vanessa (actually maybe we should get parents in too) to plan what it is that we are going to do.
Again today I think I got the idea that I need to tell James something then give him maybe 30 seconds to absorb it.
--------------------------------
After work I played a bit with James we went out on the tramp and had a nice old time. I was really getting him to throw the ball to me and really encouraging him. we had lots of laughs and smiles and cuddles.
Yesterday I took him up the school on his new pedal-less bike and got him to go down the slope at the playground there. He got so close to balancing, it's just when he gets enough speed up he just sticks his feet down. But very encouraging for a first time!
The plan is that they will review it then write up the SCERTS assessment. Then hopefully in April we will have a conference with them and little school and perhaps Vanessa (actually maybe we should get parents in too) to plan what it is that we are going to do.
Again today I think I got the idea that I need to tell James something then give him maybe 30 seconds to absorb it.
--------------------------------
After work I played a bit with James we went out on the tramp and had a nice old time. I was really getting him to throw the ball to me and really encouraging him. we had lots of laughs and smiles and cuddles.
Yesterday I took him up the school on his new pedal-less bike and got him to go down the slope at the playground there. He got so close to balancing, it's just when he gets enough speed up he just sticks his feet down. But very encouraging for a first time!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
A post about Hannah
Today I went with Hannah to athletics. The first race was 800 meters, for the first 100 meters Hannah was in the front third, then she faded to mid pack, then to the back at which point she started walking then a bit of running then walking, then finally shuffling all by her self..a walk of total dispondency..and the look on her face of disappointment. I thought she was going to just walk off the track and cry, but the coach and another adult came along and encouraged her along to the end. I went and told her how pleased I was with her and that I thought she just 'got puffed' and had run herself out too early.
Then she did discus which wasn't much chop, then 8x40 meter in and out relays - there were about 10 teams and they must've done relays for about 25 minutes. Well Hannah basically gave up. She was the last team member her job was to run to the end, turn around and come back and handover. The team she was in were really fast and the girl running to Hannah was exceptional, sometimes Hannah would be first to receive the baton and 2nd to last coming back. She jogged along like she was in a pantomime or something, looking around and dawdling to the point of walking up to the girl who was frantically waiting to scream off. She basically checked out. Something was up. She kept taking sneaky glances at me. Afterward I didn't mention it even though I felt like kicking her arse (verbally). This took a lot of self control as I was really disappointed. We went and she got a sausage and licorice strap and was so shy that she had trouble in the queue and the lady serving sausages couldn't hear her. I wondered if she was having confidence problems afterwards. I can speculate on why she was not running properly in the relays but it would be psychobabble..
Later I had the usual trouble getting her to bed and instead of yelling and carrying on I was just calm and asked her why she was doing those things.
I guess I have had a bit of an epiphany, I cannot motivate Hannah in the right way by getting angry, and it just makes me feel bad (ala the tennis incident), so I need another way. Questioning without being accusatory seems to be a good way to get a dialogue going with her and gets things out sometimes.
So thinking back to the relay, perhaps the best way to deal with that would be something like "Hannah were you trying your hardest out there?" - i.e. the way Vanessa might talk to kids - vs "Hannah why the hell were you mucking around?" then extending the line of questioning as to why that might be. And pointing out that she was letting other kids down (but again without making her feel bad).
Anyway when I put her to bed instead of shouting and snapping (it was late) I just stayed calm and read a good potion of the book without hurrying. Then I came back in after a few minutes and told he how proud I was of her for doing so well in the early part of the race and she seemed to really like that (truth was I was quite surprised and stoked at how well she had been going).
Also I think I will take her for some runs. I don't think any real training for kids is appropriate esp not one like Hannah, so maybe some games like dad racing with a handicap, or chasing games. Really just need to work on speed first and foremost. Hopefully these early finishes I am now on will give me time to do this in the afternoons.
I think I have been a real grumpy b*stard to Hannah these last few months if not longer, I just get frustrated with her, but its not the way to deal with it, it just isn't. I need to treat her with respect and dignity. I need to put more responsibility on her - and give more rights to her, and I need to let natural consequences come about.
Then she did discus which wasn't much chop, then 8x40 meter in and out relays - there were about 10 teams and they must've done relays for about 25 minutes. Well Hannah basically gave up. She was the last team member her job was to run to the end, turn around and come back and handover. The team she was in were really fast and the girl running to Hannah was exceptional, sometimes Hannah would be first to receive the baton and 2nd to last coming back. She jogged along like she was in a pantomime or something, looking around and dawdling to the point of walking up to the girl who was frantically waiting to scream off. She basically checked out. Something was up. She kept taking sneaky glances at me. Afterward I didn't mention it even though I felt like kicking her arse (verbally). This took a lot of self control as I was really disappointed. We went and she got a sausage and licorice strap and was so shy that she had trouble in the queue and the lady serving sausages couldn't hear her. I wondered if she was having confidence problems afterwards. I can speculate on why she was not running properly in the relays but it would be psychobabble..
Later I had the usual trouble getting her to bed and instead of yelling and carrying on I was just calm and asked her why she was doing those things.
I guess I have had a bit of an epiphany, I cannot motivate Hannah in the right way by getting angry, and it just makes me feel bad (ala the tennis incident), so I need another way. Questioning without being accusatory seems to be a good way to get a dialogue going with her and gets things out sometimes.
So thinking back to the relay, perhaps the best way to deal with that would be something like "Hannah were you trying your hardest out there?" - i.e. the way Vanessa might talk to kids - vs "Hannah why the hell were you mucking around?" then extending the line of questioning as to why that might be. And pointing out that she was letting other kids down (but again without making her feel bad).
Anyway when I put her to bed instead of shouting and snapping (it was late) I just stayed calm and read a good potion of the book without hurrying. Then I came back in after a few minutes and told he how proud I was of her for doing so well in the early part of the race and she seemed to really like that (truth was I was quite surprised and stoked at how well she had been going).
Also I think I will take her for some runs. I don't think any real training for kids is appropriate esp not one like Hannah, so maybe some games like dad racing with a handicap, or chasing games. Really just need to work on speed first and foremost. Hopefully these early finishes I am now on will give me time to do this in the afternoons.
I think I have been a real grumpy b*stard to Hannah these last few months if not longer, I just get frustrated with her, but its not the way to deal with it, it just isn't. I need to treat her with respect and dignity. I need to put more responsibility on her - and give more rights to her, and I need to let natural consequences come about.
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