Monday 15/2/2010

Last night I came across Michelle in James room with him cradled in her arms. quietly sitting there with tears streaming down. My poor girl, wondering when James would ever cuddle her, or say hello mummy, or I love you.
I reminded her if he didn't love us and want to be near us he wouldn't hop into bed with us in the mornings. Or cry when we leave him at LS.
And that he can be cuddly in his way when the mood takes him (night times are often boisterous mood before bed!), and also that from my reading Autistic people have said they often wanted to be touched or held as children but it hurt.
But I know how she feels.
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I held up the peanut butter and Vegemite this morning in front of James to try and get him to make a selection along with verbal prompting. He just looked at them a bit scratching and grinning. I just waited and after a minute he said 'peanut budder' - he didn't point or say no to anything but it was good enough for me, so I said 'good boy James' a few times and made him his toast.
At little school he sat down in the mat room (his favourite, always goes in there). The others kids were playing with baloons and fly swatters to hit them, James just sat down in front of the CD player and looked at the display and listened to the music smiling. When some songs came on he liked he jiggled up and down a bit and wobbled his head. When one came on that he didn't like - a slow nursery rhyme - he screwed up his face and said 'No, no no' and sat there frowning.
I cuddled him and kissed and told him we were going, we put him on Nia's knee and he frowned a bit and wriggled a lot but not too badly, and Hannah and I both waved and said goodbye and blew kisses. We got lots of eye contact and a few little smiles.
Then we waved through the window and got solid looks instead of looking away and quite a lot of smiles at our goofy antics, and Nia made both his arms wave, he seemed pretty happy!
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After work Hannah went off to Athletics with Michelle, me and James stayed behind. He was keen to go out to the street and took my hand, then to Michelle's car which he obviously wanted to get into. I let him and climbed in and hopped in his seat. So I thought why not, and got in and asked him where he wanted to go. I asked if he wanted to go to the park. No response was forthcoming of course so I drove to our local park. At the park I kept asking 'James want to go to the park?', 'James want to go on the slide?' - blank looks so took him there by the hand and had a very nice time on the swings. Not much connection with me, even though I was being silly, I got him giggling a little. He likes to close his eyes, and lean back and swing back and forth. We got off and did the running up and down thing too, where I hold his hand and we run from here to there.
Back home after a good 45 minutes and I cooked tea. While I was doing this I sang songs and got such a good response, started drumming and whistling and carrying on, he loves it, and laughs and smiles, and I love the attention! I will do more.
Later I put him to bed and tried reading a book, Peepo I even sang the rhyming verses but he was in teeth gritted jumping mode, so left him to it.
Tonight I made a big triangle out of the Duplo. Last night I made a big robot, and he was quite intrigued by it this morning and didn't just smash it up.
Had a call from Auntie Francie tonight, and a talk about other people not seeming to take us seriously. She does and even raised it with us, and she knows of course..better than anyone. She told us Michelle's dad said to her 'Seems OK to me, was talking away'. Where to begin..try talking to him..or..say his name and see what happens. Has he ever talked to you?
Etc!
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Michelle told me about a woman at her work and her Aspergers 21yr old son who has no job and lives at home and plays Playstation all day. He has decided he wants a girlfriend and thinks its done through pick-up lines. His Mum cannot explain to him that that is not how it is done. But anyway every day she comes home he says 'hey Mum what about this one?'. Poor guy, he would never be able to understand the complex and subtle body language and rules about flirting with people. Sad, and of course a worry for me, that worries enough as it is.